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The Complete Fic Directory
- All I Do Each Night Is Rehearse The Pray Routine
- Appendicitis
- An Act Of Un-Remembrance
- Beginnings
- Better Than Today - Kylie Minogue
- Black
- Breathe Out
- Christmas Shopping
- Choreography
- Dancers
- Dangling
- Days
- Default Settings/Do You Love Me? [Part One]
- Displacement Theory [Blue]
- DJ (I Could Be Dancing) - Alphabeat
- Enchanted
- Ends (Loose And Otherwise) [Ends]
- Enemies
- Family
- Fine Time To Lose Your Mind - Jack McManus
- Fireworks
- Flat Tyres And Palm Prints [Birth]
- Flu
- Friends: A Dictionary [Friends]
- From Angels To The Moon/The Soup
- Green Light [Green]
- Hell Raisers
- Home Invasion
- Hours
- In My Veins
- Insides
- It Was The Death Of Something [Death]
- Just Like Children [Children]
- Kiss And Make Up
- The Last Time
- Lonely At Christmas
- Love Songs
- Lovers
- Middles
- Midnight Sun
- Mistletoe
- Months Go By [Months]
- More Important Than Fear
- Muddied Stars [Brown]
- Not Enough
- Of Peacocks
- On The Subject Of Angels [Orange]
- Playing House [Parents]
- The Price Of Friendship
- The Prize
- Post-Match Analysis
- Puddles
- Red
- Secret Admirer
- Secret Agent Owen
- Shades
- Shine - Skies Of America
- Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
- Snap
- So Good To See You
- Stage Fright
- Stay (Oh Darlin')
- Study In Motion
- Summertime Feeling - S Club 7
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Teammates
- That Night In Amsterdam/Do You Love Me? [Part Two]
- This
- Three Sets Of Three
- Twenty-Nine (And A Half)
- Under A Colourless Sky [Colourless]
- We Found Something That Belongs To You [Outsides]
- We Were Strangers Once [Strangers]
- Weeks
- What Did You Say This Time?
- What Will The Papers Say? [Purple]
- White Out [White]
- The Wordsmith/Breathe In
- Years
- Yellow
- Yesterday's Promise
- 3-0 Defeats
- Barlow's Music Shop Series
- Fanfiction Challenges
- The Postcard Prompts
- OT3, OT4 & OT5
- Stories By Band Member
- Stories By Ship
- Stories By Genre
- Stories By Era
- Band-Free AUs
- Prompt Requests
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- Follow Me
An Act Of Un-Remembrance
I shall put you on my Christmas card list. And write you into all of my stories. You will be the person just out of shot in every photograph I take. I’ll listen to songs and know that every lyric was written about us . Every bookshelf the world over will creak under a weight of books that were written about you and I will read them all and no one else will know the truth but me. I’ll keep you in all my suitcases, the back corner of hotel room drawers, on the trays with the kettles and the little pots of milk. I’ll slip you in my pocket with my keys. Someone I’ve never met before will smile at me, I’ll call them by your name and they won’t forgive me my mistake. I won’t care. I’ll find a spot to sit and imagine, for a while, what you would do. I shall write you a letter and not send it. Pour myself a drink and toast to you. Months will pass, years even. I’ll celebrate your birthday in a town whose name I can’t pronounce. Where no one knows my name. Or what has become of yours. I’ll pack bags and bags and pile them up. Pack. Unpack. Go home. Pack again. I’ll find old ticket stubs, photographs, scrawled messages, in the bottom of a suitcase. I will take them out and turn them over in my hand then silently put them back again. I will tell no one. There’ll be a man on a plane who reminds me of you and for hours I will hardly dare move. But he will not be you. I’ll catch buses and I will sit at the back and everyone who gets on will disappoint me by being nothing like you at all. The people on the train will not be like you. No one I will see will ever be you. I will never know anyone but you and I will never know you again. I will check the locks at night. Then leave the chain off in case you come. You will never come. I will put a photograph of us in my wallet. Facing backwards so I don’t have to look. I will find you sitting in a layer of dust on top of a box in the back of my house. I will brush you away. I’ll feel guilty for that. I’ll go out for a while and sit in a park and feel like everyone knows. No one knows but me. You used to know, I think. I will learn things. I’ll teach myself to be interested in history and the world. In people and how their minds work. And I will use it all one day and I will find out what happened to me and to you. I will always dial your number first and sometimes I will phone you. But only when I am certain you won’t answer. I will breathe again but you will not. I will pay my bills but you will not. I will pretend every conversation is with you and I will listen to no one. I shall never allow myself the time to pause so long that I remember. But that does not mean I will ever let myself forget. I will always knock three times on any door. No one will ever stay and neither will I. I will love you. So then I will love nothing. But I will understand everything. Eventually.