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The Complete Fic Directory
- All I Do Each Night Is Rehearse The Pray Routine
- Appendicitis
- An Act Of Un-Remembrance
- Beginnings
- Better Than Today - Kylie Minogue
- Black
- Breathe Out
- Christmas Shopping
- Choreography
- Dancers
- Dangling
- Days
- Default Settings/Do You Love Me? [Part One]
- Displacement Theory [Blue]
- DJ (I Could Be Dancing) - Alphabeat
- Enchanted
- Ends (Loose And Otherwise) [Ends]
- Enemies
- Family
- Fine Time To Lose Your Mind - Jack McManus
- Fireworks
- Flat Tyres And Palm Prints [Birth]
- Flu
- Friends: A Dictionary [Friends]
- From Angels To The Moon/The Soup
- Green Light [Green]
- Hell Raisers
- Home Invasion
- Hours
- In My Veins
- Insides
- It Was The Death Of Something [Death]
- Just Like Children [Children]
- Kiss And Make Up
- The Last Time
- Lonely At Christmas
- Love Songs
- Lovers
- Middles
- Midnight Sun
- Mistletoe
- Months Go By [Months]
- More Important Than Fear
- Muddied Stars [Brown]
- Not Enough
- Of Peacocks
- On The Subject Of Angels [Orange]
- Playing House [Parents]
- The Price Of Friendship
- The Prize
- Post-Match Analysis
- Puddles
- Red
- Secret Admirer
- Secret Agent Owen
- Shades
- Shine - Skies Of America
- Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
- Snap
- So Good To See You
- Stage Fright
- Stay (Oh Darlin')
- Study In Motion
- Summertime Feeling - S Club 7
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Teammates
- That Night In Amsterdam/Do You Love Me? [Part Two]
- This
- Three Sets Of Three
- Twenty-Nine (And A Half)
- Under A Colourless Sky [Colourless]
- We Found Something That Belongs To You [Outsides]
- We Were Strangers Once [Strangers]
- Weeks
- What Did You Say This Time?
- What Will The Papers Say? [Purple]
- White Out [White]
- The Wordsmith/Breathe In
- Years
- Yellow
- Yesterday's Promise
- 3-0 Defeats
- Barlow's Music Shop Series
- Fanfiction Challenges
- The Postcard Prompts
- OT3, OT4 & OT5
- Stories By Band Member
- Stories By Ship
- Stories By Genre
- Stories By Era
- Band-Free AUs
- Prompt Requests
- Other Fandom Fics
- Follow Me
Stage Fright
“I can’t do it,” Robbie announced, half an hour before they were due to go on stage. Gary glanced casually at the clock and nodded thoughtfully.
“Could have done with you saying that about...three weeks ago...” he mused.
“I’m not fucking kidding you know,” Robbie shot back, rubbing his hands over his face and then looking around the room. He was slightly surprised at the nonchalant way the others were treating his announcement. Howard was at the opposite end of the sofa, slumped down and hardly paying attention, choosing instead to frown down at his phone, Gary was sat at the dressing table, looking at something some woman from the show’s press team had handed him whilst Mark peered over his shoulder and then there was Jason, leaning against the dressing table, playing with the cap on his bottle of water. Robbie groaned and put his hands back over his face.
“You say that Rob, but I don’t think, at this point, that’s really a viable option,” Jason’s voice was quiet and matter-of-fact and it almost made Robbie smile.
“Yeah, come on Rob, it’s exciting! You were excited about it earlier,” Mark chipped in and Robbie couldn’t resist looking up. Mark’s eyes were dancing with anticipation and Robbie almost felt a little better. But he couldn’t’ shake that nagging feeling of impending disaster.
“But that was before it hit home. I can’t go out there. I just can’t do it,” he sighed.
“What’s there to be worried about?!” Jason questioned, crossing the room and flopping down onto the sofa between Howard and Robbie. Gary and Mark chuckled, looking at him with quirked eyebrows, and Howard let out a smirk, rolling his eyes.
“Hark at ‘im! Sorry Rob, but it really must be easy if Jay’s not having a breakdown,” he teased. Jason pulled a face, his blue eyes defiantly mischievous.
“Fuck off cripple,” he shot back sharply, giving Howard’s leg a small prod with his shoe.
“Eh, least I’m not a bloody skeleton,” Howard grinned. Robbie watched the exchange with amusement, briefly forgetting where they were.
“Waist like a ten-year-old,” Gary nodded straight-faced.
“You are pretty fucking thin Jay,” Mark noted.
“And you’re pretty fucking small, mate, so leave me alone!” Jason grinned.
“Go on Howard, see if you can get your hands around his waist,” Gary chuckled.
“Five’s about to go back down to bloody four in a minute,” Jason warned them lightly.
“Can we talk about me again please?!” Robbie interjected, half-laughing, and the others looked at him for a drawn out moment. Howard smiled quietly.
“Sorry Rob, I think it’s Jay’s permission you need to be centre of attention,” he joked, getting Jason’s elbow to his ribs for his troubles.
“I don’t want to be centre of attention, I want to go home!” Robbie whined, his head falling back against the sofa. He stared at the ceiling and listened to his thoughts jumping back and forth in his head.
“Come on Rob, why is this more scary than anything else we’ve done so far?” Jason asked him softly.
“Uh; you mean aside from the cameras and the people and the big fucking song,” Robbie frowned.
“There have been cameras and people and songs everywhere we’ve gone,” Jason told him.
“Yeah, but it’s this show isn’t it! Did you see my performances last year?!” Robbie groaned.
“Jay doesn’t have a telly,” Gary deadpanned.
“Jay doesn’t even know what show we’re on,” Howard chipped in.
“We told him this was a rehearsal for the tour,” Mark nodded.
“Why have you lot got it in for me today?!” Jason questioned through a laugh.
“We’re just thrown coz you’re so chipper,” Howard shrugged, winking at Jason.
“I just think the good stuff outweighs the bad stuff tonight, for a change,” Jason mused.
“Yeah, what could go wrong when your band consists of two alchies fresh out of rehab, one cripple fresh out of hospital, a skeleton fresh from the health food shop and two eyebrows fresh out of a dodgy prop shop!” Robbie joked.
“Eh! Don’t mock the eyebrows!” Gary smiled, placing a jokingly protective hand to his forehead.
“And can we stop calling me a cripple!” Howard added.
“Only when you stop injuring yourself left right and centre,” Jason laughed and Howard swotted at him.
“If another journalist asks me about fucking rehab, I’ll scream,” Mark said, mostly to himself.
“You’re too nice for that Markie,” Jason smiled at him sympathetically and Mark returned the look.
“Can I take you into all my interviews please?” he sighed.
“You already do, he’s part of the band,” Gary told him with a grin.
“I wondered why he kept following us around!” Howard exclaimed, eyes sparkling.
“You lot are all bastards...no wonder I didn’t want to do the fucking comeback,” Jason joked.
“Aren’t any of you remotely terrified?!” Robbie pressed them. Jason looked over at him and shrugged.
“Thing is Rob, what you have to remember; last time it was just you. This time there’s five of us. If anyone screws up, there’s four other people to cover for them. Besides, we’ve got Gaz. Us lot could all choke and Gaz would make sure no one noticed. Gaz never gets scared when it comes to this sort of thing,” he explained. Robbie smiled slightly and a pause fell upon the five of them.
“Seriously Jay, what are you on tonight?” Howard eventually broke the peace with a tease.
“It’s alright for you Doug; I’m the one who’s got to be responsible for him tonight!” Gary chuckled.
“Gaz, you hardly ever stand next to Jay on stage, it’s your turn,” Mark grinned.
“I’d watch out if I were you Gaz, he flaps his arms a lot,” Howard nodded wisely, getting another small kick from Jason in return.
“What if I forget my words though!” Robbie suddenly exclaimed, bringing their eyes back to him.
“Oh no, not another one!” Gary feigned despair and Mark giggled.
“Eh! I’m word perfect me! Little boy me went fishing in a wooden boat...” Jason began.
“Yeah, and it’s only taken him three years!” Howard laughed.
“...sitting there for hours in the cold...” Jason continued.
“Any excuse to sing that bloody song!” Gary sighed, shaking his head fondly and rolling his eyes.
“...patience is a virtue ‘til we die...” Jason proceeded calmly with his spoken-word rendition.
“All the patience in the world wouldn’t be enough!” Gary lamented and Jason pulled a face.
“Poor Gaz ends up singing it in his sleep you know Jay,” Mark told Jason with a grin, patting Gary comfortingly.
“See Rob, you think you’ve got problems!” Gary smiled, ducking slightly as Jason chucked the bottle cap at his head.
No more was said until they were stood backstage. Mark and Gary were singing scales at each other and bobbing up and down and Jason and Howard were dividing their time between flirting with the nice lady with the clipboard who was supposed to be looking after them and performing mock dance routines in an attempt to drive Gary mad. Robbie simply watched them, balancing from one foot to the other. Mark kept flashing him little smiles of encouragement but they all knew they needed to leave him alone. There was nothing they could say to make him feel better, all they could do was try and make everything feel as normal as possible.
“What do you reckon lads, will Simon Cowell approve?” Gary asked, waggling his eyebrows as he and Mark finished another scale.
“I wouldn’t vote for you,” Howard told him bluntly and Mark burst out laughing. Robbie smiled vaguely and then peeled away from them, standing further back in the shadows.
“I just want to get out there!” Mark let out, his grin dazzlingly bright in the dimness of the backstage area.
“I dunno what your rush is Markie, we waited fifteen years, what’s another fifteen minutes!” Gary chuckled and Mark smiled.
“Give over Gaz, you’ve been saying it’s taking too long all day!” he countered.
“Not long now lads,” Jason put in, coming up to them, a grin on his face.
“Have you ever seen him this relaxed?” Gary frowned.
“I drugged his tea, it’s fine,” Howard grinned. Jason rolled his eyes and stepped quietly away from them, coming over to join Robbie in the shadows.
“You gone vampire on us or are you still terrified?” he asked quietly, leaning into Robbie conspiratorially and pulling a timid smile out of him.
“Just trying to calm myself down mate,” Robbie sighed and Jason nodded slowly.
“Deep breaths and really random dance moves,” he said quietly.
“Sorry?” Robbie frowned.
“It’s how I get through these things,” Jason smiled sheepishly and Robbie chuckled.
“Does that actually work?” he asked and Jason shrugged.
“Honestly? I think I probably look like a tit,” he joked.
“Is that why you don’t have a telly?” Robbie asked him with a cheeky smile and Jason laughed.
“That and me and Howard don’t get paid as much as you proper pop stars,” he agreed.
“Fuck off, you’re more proper than me mate, I can’t even perform on The X Factor without screwing it up,” Robbie countered.
“Yeah but...can you imagine if any of us lot had to audition? In our bondage gear, giving it all that?” Jason asked him with a laugh as he performed a small segment of an old routine.
“I think we would have done alright!” Robbie smirked, finding it hard to remember that he was petrified in the face of Jason’s crisp, smiling voice.
“Then tonight won’t be a problem for you then,” Jason told him smugly.
“You tricked me into that,” Robbie warned him with a reluctant smile. A small pause elapsed between them then as they watched Gary, Mark and Howard sing a falsetto version of Greatest Day for reasons Robbie and Jason could only guess at.
“It will be fine you know,” Jason smiled with sympathy after a while.
“Why’s that then?” Robbie sighed.
“It’s this secret I worked out when we did that first tour back and every night gave me a panic attack. If you get scared, just look at Mark and he will smile and convince you that it is only you and him in the room. If you forget your words, look at Howard and he will nod you through, he is pure concentration on stage and he can project it. And if you think it’s going badly then look at Gaz, coz when you see how calm he is it’ll calm you down too,” Jason told him quietly. Robbie smiled.
“And what about you?” he asked.
“What about me?!” Jason frowned and Robbie nudged him.
“When should I look at you?!” he demanded. Jason thought carefully for a moment, then looked over at Robbie with eyes that twinkled quietly in the dark.
“Never, ever look at me under any circumstances. Well...unless you forget the dance routine to Pray, then I’ll help you out,” he winked and then, without another word, he moved away, leaving Robbie smiling to himself. Ok, so maybe he was still scared as hell. But there was something to be said for four people having your back. After all; they were certifiably mad, ceaselessly self-deprecating and constantly bickering...what could possibly go wrong?!
“Could have done with you saying that about...three weeks ago...” he mused.
“I’m not fucking kidding you know,” Robbie shot back, rubbing his hands over his face and then looking around the room. He was slightly surprised at the nonchalant way the others were treating his announcement. Howard was at the opposite end of the sofa, slumped down and hardly paying attention, choosing instead to frown down at his phone, Gary was sat at the dressing table, looking at something some woman from the show’s press team had handed him whilst Mark peered over his shoulder and then there was Jason, leaning against the dressing table, playing with the cap on his bottle of water. Robbie groaned and put his hands back over his face.
“You say that Rob, but I don’t think, at this point, that’s really a viable option,” Jason’s voice was quiet and matter-of-fact and it almost made Robbie smile.
“Yeah, come on Rob, it’s exciting! You were excited about it earlier,” Mark chipped in and Robbie couldn’t resist looking up. Mark’s eyes were dancing with anticipation and Robbie almost felt a little better. But he couldn’t’ shake that nagging feeling of impending disaster.
“But that was before it hit home. I can’t go out there. I just can’t do it,” he sighed.
“What’s there to be worried about?!” Jason questioned, crossing the room and flopping down onto the sofa between Howard and Robbie. Gary and Mark chuckled, looking at him with quirked eyebrows, and Howard let out a smirk, rolling his eyes.
“Hark at ‘im! Sorry Rob, but it really must be easy if Jay’s not having a breakdown,” he teased. Jason pulled a face, his blue eyes defiantly mischievous.
“Fuck off cripple,” he shot back sharply, giving Howard’s leg a small prod with his shoe.
“Eh, least I’m not a bloody skeleton,” Howard grinned. Robbie watched the exchange with amusement, briefly forgetting where they were.
“Waist like a ten-year-old,” Gary nodded straight-faced.
“You are pretty fucking thin Jay,” Mark noted.
“And you’re pretty fucking small, mate, so leave me alone!” Jason grinned.
“Go on Howard, see if you can get your hands around his waist,” Gary chuckled.
“Five’s about to go back down to bloody four in a minute,” Jason warned them lightly.
“Can we talk about me again please?!” Robbie interjected, half-laughing, and the others looked at him for a drawn out moment. Howard smiled quietly.
“Sorry Rob, I think it’s Jay’s permission you need to be centre of attention,” he joked, getting Jason’s elbow to his ribs for his troubles.
“I don’t want to be centre of attention, I want to go home!” Robbie whined, his head falling back against the sofa. He stared at the ceiling and listened to his thoughts jumping back and forth in his head.
“Come on Rob, why is this more scary than anything else we’ve done so far?” Jason asked him softly.
“Uh; you mean aside from the cameras and the people and the big fucking song,” Robbie frowned.
“There have been cameras and people and songs everywhere we’ve gone,” Jason told him.
“Yeah, but it’s this show isn’t it! Did you see my performances last year?!” Robbie groaned.
“Jay doesn’t have a telly,” Gary deadpanned.
“Jay doesn’t even know what show we’re on,” Howard chipped in.
“We told him this was a rehearsal for the tour,” Mark nodded.
“Why have you lot got it in for me today?!” Jason questioned through a laugh.
“We’re just thrown coz you’re so chipper,” Howard shrugged, winking at Jason.
“I just think the good stuff outweighs the bad stuff tonight, for a change,” Jason mused.
“Yeah, what could go wrong when your band consists of two alchies fresh out of rehab, one cripple fresh out of hospital, a skeleton fresh from the health food shop and two eyebrows fresh out of a dodgy prop shop!” Robbie joked.
“Eh! Don’t mock the eyebrows!” Gary smiled, placing a jokingly protective hand to his forehead.
“And can we stop calling me a cripple!” Howard added.
“Only when you stop injuring yourself left right and centre,” Jason laughed and Howard swotted at him.
“If another journalist asks me about fucking rehab, I’ll scream,” Mark said, mostly to himself.
“You’re too nice for that Markie,” Jason smiled at him sympathetically and Mark returned the look.
“Can I take you into all my interviews please?” he sighed.
“You already do, he’s part of the band,” Gary told him with a grin.
“I wondered why he kept following us around!” Howard exclaimed, eyes sparkling.
“You lot are all bastards...no wonder I didn’t want to do the fucking comeback,” Jason joked.
“Aren’t any of you remotely terrified?!” Robbie pressed them. Jason looked over at him and shrugged.
“Thing is Rob, what you have to remember; last time it was just you. This time there’s five of us. If anyone screws up, there’s four other people to cover for them. Besides, we’ve got Gaz. Us lot could all choke and Gaz would make sure no one noticed. Gaz never gets scared when it comes to this sort of thing,” he explained. Robbie smiled slightly and a pause fell upon the five of them.
“Seriously Jay, what are you on tonight?” Howard eventually broke the peace with a tease.
“It’s alright for you Doug; I’m the one who’s got to be responsible for him tonight!” Gary chuckled.
“Gaz, you hardly ever stand next to Jay on stage, it’s your turn,” Mark grinned.
“I’d watch out if I were you Gaz, he flaps his arms a lot,” Howard nodded wisely, getting another small kick from Jason in return.
“What if I forget my words though!” Robbie suddenly exclaimed, bringing their eyes back to him.
“Oh no, not another one!” Gary feigned despair and Mark giggled.
“Eh! I’m word perfect me! Little boy me went fishing in a wooden boat...” Jason began.
“Yeah, and it’s only taken him three years!” Howard laughed.
“...sitting there for hours in the cold...” Jason continued.
“Any excuse to sing that bloody song!” Gary sighed, shaking his head fondly and rolling his eyes.
“...patience is a virtue ‘til we die...” Jason proceeded calmly with his spoken-word rendition.
“All the patience in the world wouldn’t be enough!” Gary lamented and Jason pulled a face.
“Poor Gaz ends up singing it in his sleep you know Jay,” Mark told Jason with a grin, patting Gary comfortingly.
“See Rob, you think you’ve got problems!” Gary smiled, ducking slightly as Jason chucked the bottle cap at his head.
No more was said until they were stood backstage. Mark and Gary were singing scales at each other and bobbing up and down and Jason and Howard were dividing their time between flirting with the nice lady with the clipboard who was supposed to be looking after them and performing mock dance routines in an attempt to drive Gary mad. Robbie simply watched them, balancing from one foot to the other. Mark kept flashing him little smiles of encouragement but they all knew they needed to leave him alone. There was nothing they could say to make him feel better, all they could do was try and make everything feel as normal as possible.
“What do you reckon lads, will Simon Cowell approve?” Gary asked, waggling his eyebrows as he and Mark finished another scale.
“I wouldn’t vote for you,” Howard told him bluntly and Mark burst out laughing. Robbie smiled vaguely and then peeled away from them, standing further back in the shadows.
“I just want to get out there!” Mark let out, his grin dazzlingly bright in the dimness of the backstage area.
“I dunno what your rush is Markie, we waited fifteen years, what’s another fifteen minutes!” Gary chuckled and Mark smiled.
“Give over Gaz, you’ve been saying it’s taking too long all day!” he countered.
“Not long now lads,” Jason put in, coming up to them, a grin on his face.
“Have you ever seen him this relaxed?” Gary frowned.
“I drugged his tea, it’s fine,” Howard grinned. Jason rolled his eyes and stepped quietly away from them, coming over to join Robbie in the shadows.
“You gone vampire on us or are you still terrified?” he asked quietly, leaning into Robbie conspiratorially and pulling a timid smile out of him.
“Just trying to calm myself down mate,” Robbie sighed and Jason nodded slowly.
“Deep breaths and really random dance moves,” he said quietly.
“Sorry?” Robbie frowned.
“It’s how I get through these things,” Jason smiled sheepishly and Robbie chuckled.
“Does that actually work?” he asked and Jason shrugged.
“Honestly? I think I probably look like a tit,” he joked.
“Is that why you don’t have a telly?” Robbie asked him with a cheeky smile and Jason laughed.
“That and me and Howard don’t get paid as much as you proper pop stars,” he agreed.
“Fuck off, you’re more proper than me mate, I can’t even perform on The X Factor without screwing it up,” Robbie countered.
“Yeah but...can you imagine if any of us lot had to audition? In our bondage gear, giving it all that?” Jason asked him with a laugh as he performed a small segment of an old routine.
“I think we would have done alright!” Robbie smirked, finding it hard to remember that he was petrified in the face of Jason’s crisp, smiling voice.
“Then tonight won’t be a problem for you then,” Jason told him smugly.
“You tricked me into that,” Robbie warned him with a reluctant smile. A small pause elapsed between them then as they watched Gary, Mark and Howard sing a falsetto version of Greatest Day for reasons Robbie and Jason could only guess at.
“It will be fine you know,” Jason smiled with sympathy after a while.
“Why’s that then?” Robbie sighed.
“It’s this secret I worked out when we did that first tour back and every night gave me a panic attack. If you get scared, just look at Mark and he will smile and convince you that it is only you and him in the room. If you forget your words, look at Howard and he will nod you through, he is pure concentration on stage and he can project it. And if you think it’s going badly then look at Gaz, coz when you see how calm he is it’ll calm you down too,” Jason told him quietly. Robbie smiled.
“And what about you?” he asked.
“What about me?!” Jason frowned and Robbie nudged him.
“When should I look at you?!” he demanded. Jason thought carefully for a moment, then looked over at Robbie with eyes that twinkled quietly in the dark.
“Never, ever look at me under any circumstances. Well...unless you forget the dance routine to Pray, then I’ll help you out,” he winked and then, without another word, he moved away, leaving Robbie smiling to himself. Ok, so maybe he was still scared as hell. But there was something to be said for four people having your back. After all; they were certifiably mad, ceaselessly self-deprecating and constantly bickering...what could possibly go wrong?!