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The Complete Fic Directory
- All I Do Each Night Is Rehearse The Pray Routine
- Appendicitis
- An Act Of Un-Remembrance
- Beginnings
- Better Than Today - Kylie Minogue
- Black
- Breathe Out
- Christmas Shopping
- Choreography
- Dancers
- Dangling
- Days
- Default Settings/Do You Love Me? [Part One]
- Displacement Theory [Blue]
- DJ (I Could Be Dancing) - Alphabeat
- Enchanted
- Ends (Loose And Otherwise) [Ends]
- Enemies
- Family
- Fine Time To Lose Your Mind - Jack McManus
- Fireworks
- Flat Tyres And Palm Prints [Birth]
- Flu
- Friends: A Dictionary [Friends]
- From Angels To The Moon/The Soup
- Green Light [Green]
- Hell Raisers
- Home Invasion
- Hours
- In My Veins
- Insides
- It Was The Death Of Something [Death]
- Just Like Children [Children]
- Kiss And Make Up
- The Last Time
- Lonely At Christmas
- Love Songs
- Lovers
- Middles
- Midnight Sun
- Mistletoe
- Months Go By [Months]
- More Important Than Fear
- Muddied Stars [Brown]
- Not Enough
- Of Peacocks
- On The Subject Of Angels [Orange]
- Playing House [Parents]
- The Price Of Friendship
- The Prize
- Post-Match Analysis
- Puddles
- Red
- Secret Admirer
- Secret Agent Owen
- Shades
- Shine - Skies Of America
- Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
- Snap
- So Good To See You
- Stage Fright
- Stay (Oh Darlin')
- Study In Motion
- Summertime Feeling - S Club 7
- Sunrise
- Sunset
- Teammates
- That Night In Amsterdam/Do You Love Me? [Part Two]
- This
- Three Sets Of Three
- Twenty-Nine (And A Half)
- Under A Colourless Sky [Colourless]
- We Found Something That Belongs To You [Outsides]
- We Were Strangers Once [Strangers]
- Weeks
- What Did You Say This Time?
- What Will The Papers Say? [Purple]
- White Out [White]
- The Wordsmith/Breathe In
- Years
- Yellow
- Yesterday's Promise
- 3-0 Defeats
- Barlow's Music Shop Series
- Fanfiction Challenges
- The Postcard Prompts
- OT3, OT4 & OT5
- Stories By Band Member
- Stories By Ship
- Stories By Genre
- Stories By Era
- Band-Free AUs
- Prompt Requests
- Other Fandom Fics
- Follow Me
We Were Strangers Once [Strangers]
Well I saw you there
Just the other day
You smiled at me
In a secret way
Howard and Jason exchanged a secret smile that only they could read. They’d never been strangers to one another – from the first day they had met it had been like two fragments of a picture being put together to finally make sense. By all rights it shouldn’t be that way, and sitting here now it’s what they’re both thinking. Jason Orange is all herbal teas and thought-provoking books – he’s a quiet guitar strummed from the corner of the room under hues of warm gold dusk. When Jason is confused or worried or angry, he doesn’t descend into chaos like many men do. He just goes quiet. Very quiet. It’s something Howard’s never really understood. He can’t do that – he can and he will cry or scream or curse. Howard can hide how he’s feeling though. Jason…not so much. He is nothing if not honest. You’ll get no act with him. If he’s worried then he won’t hide his frown for the sake of the cameras. He gets accused of being moody. And he knows he is something of a brooding presence at the back of the group, blue eyes staring thoughtfully out from behind three broad-beaming faces. There’s a touch of irony when Jason sings out that he’s always been a smiler. It’s true, his smiles are like gold-dust, they can turn around your whole day if you catch one. But if he doesn’t mean it, then the smile will never come. Because Jason will never pretend. Howard’s admired that from day one – from the moment that those two piercing blue eyes had twinkled brightly across a room.
Howard takes a bite out of his bacon butty, patting out a beat on his thigh and ignoring the escaping drabble of brown sauce on his hoody. It makes Jason wince. He can’t abide mess. Yet everything about Howard is a bit messy. His hair cannot ever really be tamed and he plays the drums like an eccentric rocker. He spills sauces on the kitchen table and knocks over any packet of seed he comes across. He can lose car keys like nobody’s business. It’s a far cry from Jason’s tidy world of guitar playing so soft you can meditate to it, his size-ordered shelves and his sleek (and always pristine) wardrobe. They’re like chalk and cheese – not just on a superficial level either. They are fundamentally wrong for each other. Yet here they are, sat together like an old married couple. Howard is the spilt paint in the middle of Jason’s swish apartment. It’s only for a week, while the builders finish up his own place. But he’s beginning to wish he could just move in for good. Jason’s probably counting the days ‘til he moves out though, Howard muses. He’s seen him, hovering just behind him with a cloth, just waiting to swoop in once he’s left the room. He’s being stalked by the world’s most OCD popstar and a bottle of Cillit Bang. He remembers their first encounter being similar – Jason raising a sceptical eyebrow as Howard spat beer everywhere, laughing at a joke long since forgotten. Jason can always make him laugh – no stranger can make you smile within seconds of meeting them. Not unless they’re truly something special or they’re destined to be your best mate. Mind you, Jason ticks both of those boxes as far as Howard can tell, coz he really is something special when you think about it. And he’s definitely his best mate.
Jason gets up, brushing the crumbs from his toast carefully onto his plate. Howard grins up at him, handing over his own plate, crumbs flying everywhere. He can tell it takes a lot of restraint for Jason not to set the Hoover on him then and there. But credit to him he doesn’t do that. He simply takes the plate and rolls his eyes, holding out an expectant hand. Howard flashes another one of those secret smiles behind which lies a million teases and compliments and a fair few thank yous. In a flash the hoody is pulled off and in Jason’s grip. Jason shakes his head, eyes sparkling with amusement.
“You’re a bloody mess Donald,” he sighs, heading off to wash the dishes and the hoody and, of course, to get the Hoover. Howard shrugs.
“You love me really Orange!” he calls out in retort, shivering slightly and folding his arms over his bare chest. He hears a soft chuckle from the kitchen but he ignores it. Then a fresh hoody hits him square in the head and, silently, he lets slip one more secret smile.
So I let you in
And you captured me
I'm your prisoner
That’s what I wanna be
There is something mesmerizing about Mark Owen. Gary has always been fascinated by those warm, shining eyes – full of life all the time. Take now, for instance. He knows, for a fact, that Mark cannot have had more than three hours sleep last night. If that. But here he is, being friendly and kind and nice-as-pie to these journalists who, quite frankly, do not deserve so much as a smile. Are the rumours about Robbie true, is he coming back to help Take That Rule The World? You have one more album left on this record deal…but are Take That Back For Good? It’s been a big year for you all but is next year the year you really Shine? Well he’s been Up All Night so for God’s sake count your lucky stars that you’re not trying his Patience – that was the polite version of what Gary really wanted to say to them. But as the interviews wore on his silent retort descended swiftly into obscenities. Not Mark though, he kept smiling. Mark refuses to be a stranger to anybody. Gary doubts there is anyone who has ever been in the same room as Mark who has come away feeling they are still simply strangers.
After a while Gary stops listening to the questions. Briefly he entertains himself by watching Howard and Jason field their share of the interviews on the other side of the room. Howard’s hiding a hangover behind large sunglasses and so it’s Jason doing most of the talking, answering more thoughtfully than any of the journalists really expect. It’s an entertaining sight but Gary’s gaze quickly drifts back to Mark. He laughs that quirky laugh of his and Gary notices that about five or six journalist cannot help but laugh with him – he’s laughing with him too and yet he’s not even listening to the words being said. There’s just something about that laugh – it’s bright and rich and it just makes you want to join in. That laugh captures you. Gary got caught by Mark a long time ago. Perhaps not from day one, admittedly. His and Mark’s story is not quite the epic love story of Howard and Jason – though if they ever hear him call it that they will both put on their most manly voices and grab the nearest woman to kiss. No. Gary hates to admit it but, as charming as he has always found Mark, he took a long time to succumb to the friendliness of his smile. They were far from strangers, caught up in a funny sort of friendship that was neither close nor far away. Mark was always beautiful to Gary, but that was just Mark. He was beautiful full stop – just look at him! Still, recognising beauty and appreciating it are two different things. Gary appreciates it now.
He realises that he and Mark actually have a lot in common. It’s a notion that took a good ten years for either of them to stumble upon. But now they’ve realised it they’re practically joined at the hip. A few weeks ago Mark almost went home with baby Daisy in his arms instead of Willow, confirming to him that he really ought to be spending a bit more time in his own home. That resolution had lasted a surprisingly long time. But really, that was only because, after one week, Gary was round at Mark’s. There was a piano, a kettle, a biscuit tin and Mark – location was irrelevant in the light of those important facts.
Wrinkling his nose and bobbing his head as he swayed from foot to foot, Mark glanced at Gary as the next question was sent their way. But he could see Gary was miles away so he turned back to the reporter and smiled brightly, attempting to answer the question himself. Mark could answer almost any question that was thrown at him. Gary supposed this was because Mark had a seemingly endless resource of random questions of his own. The other day he’d asked Jason what sort of a biscuit he would be. Howard and Gary could barely draw breath they had laughed so hard as Jason’s deep-thinking grappled with Mark’s loveable nonsense. Howard had shrieked for water and Gary’s eyes had begun to tear. Yes, letting Mark into his heart had not been a hard decision to make. And with such golden nonsense on offer in return, Gary would let him carry on fascinating him, even if it meant these interviewers would not get any of his ideas today.
Like a thief you came
to steal my heart
I'll surrender now
Cause you broke my guard
Jason was disarmed by Mark a long time ago. He was only human after all. He remembers he warmed to Mark from moment one. A split second must have passed before Mark smiled his way into Jason’s heart and he’d stayed there ever since. They had been strangers for no longer than that and they had never gone through that awkward phase of simply being ‘acquaintances’. It had been strangers to brothers. Simple as that. All through the band, all through those quiet years and all through the comeback, Mark stayed put in the forefront of Jason’s heart. Looking back Jason supposes that nothing more than a day could’ve have passed before he had decided this boy who had so easily broken down his guard was someone he wanted to look after. And that emotion had been equally enduring. He remembered when Mark’s first solo album was released. He’s never told Mark but he went out of his way to read a lot of the reviews. The good ones are still tucked into the CD sleeve, even now. The odd bad one he had come across had been sent to those people who turned old newspaper into loo roll. Yes – because that’s how Jason Orange did aggression! It had made him feel that he had protected Mark somehow. And that was all he ever really wanted to do.
Back in the old days Mark was still young enough to mother. And Jason was good at mothering people. Mark’s kind eyes having well and truly claimed Jason’s heart for their very own sheltering place, it hadn’t taken long for Jason to be there in every emergency. One night in the very beginning of the band Jason remembered Mark having a bad dream. He’d never told Jason what that dream had been about but Jason hadn’t asked. Mark would never have to explain himself to Jason. Instead, Jason let Mark stay there in his room, hugged him ‘til he’d fallen asleep then given up his bed in exchange for the floor just so that Mark could be comfortable. Jason’s neck had a crick in it for a good week after that. Jason had never admitted that to Mark but Mark knew. He didn’t say the thank you out loud but it was there. He had clung onto Jason for several days in a mixture of gratitude and lingering upset. It was a big scary world to throw someone as sweet as Mark into but looking at him now Jason can’t help but find it remarkable how unscathed Mark is by it all. Reality has never quiet managed to destroy that child-like joy that lives in Mark’s eyes. Jason’s very glad of that. Mark would be a stranger to him if he ever lost that innocent glee, that love of life. And he never, ever wants them to be strangers again. He still remembers that split second where they were and he remembers how it had dragged itself out.
Snuffling in his sleep, Mark’s hair flops across his eyes and Jason glances down at him. His leg’s gone dead but he refuses to move. Typical Mark. Only he could fall asleep in the middle of a busy airport. Ok, so it’s that ridiculous VIP part of the airport that makes Jason cringe as he walks in. But it’s still busy. And as far as Jason is concerned that leaves more than enough possibility for Mark getting hurt or lost. Or even just…scared. After all, if he woke up and all three of them were gone, what would he think? That they’d left without him? Well…probably not. But Jason still remembered the night of the nightmare. He wouldn’t leave a sleeping Mark. Howard could. Gary could. But not Jason.
“Pancakes,” Mark mumbles drowsily, a small smile touching his sleeping features and Jason chuckled, shaking his head slightly.
“I suppose if anyone could have a nightmare about pancakes…” he sighed to himself, smiling at Mark, incapable of complaining at the way in which this small man had stormed his heart and held him to ransom. He’d miss him if he was gone, he realises that. Besides, Jason needs someone to mother. And Mark needs a good deal of mothering.
Such a pretty face
It warms my soul
And your sweet blue eyes
they shine like gold
At a lot of key moments in his life, Gary’s phone has rung. And it’s been Jason on the other end. It’s funny but he and Jason never seem that close to the outside world. He’s not sure why that is, because Jason is something of a life-saver for Gary. Sometimes they look like strangers, he supposes, because it’s always Jason sharing smiles with Howard and him exchanging laughs with Mark. But when it really comes down to the wire Gary knows that it’ll be Jason who will understand what’s wrong. And he won’t just understand, he’ll go on to find the perfect words to help you understand, to make you look at it all from a view point you never even knew existed.
As you search Jason’s face you can see a lot of things. You can see a lot of smiles and a lot of laughter, a lot of deep thought too. That face can speak to you as loudly as words sometimes. Just watch the handsome twist of his lips, the thoughtful angle of his jaw. Read the arch of an eyebrow or the shining gold of incredible wisdom that glimmers in his sweet blue eyes. The warmth of Jason’s soul is a powerful thing, it can pull you back from the brink of anger and make you smile, compelling you to warm your heart by its fireside light. Tears dry on your cheeks when Jason’s rough voice is coaching you, unwavering, with deep, well-thought words. Gary remembers that the first time he heard that voice, Jason had stopped being a stranger to him. If you listen to Jason he can tell you an awful lot. That voice, so Mancunian and coarse, rough edges smoothed out by his ability to talk sense, is constant in its warmth. Of course, he can talk some rubbish too. He can throw you off track sometimes with some random comment about fruit or some peculiar observation on life. He comes out with it and you just have to blink it off. He can make you laugh too. Jason can make you laugh right from your belly. Often intentionally. Occasionally by accident though…because Jason can be a twit sometimes. But Jason is still a genius as far as Gary’s concerned. It’s funny but sometimes he acts like he’s king of Manchester – and secretly Gary half suspects he is. In fact, Gary wonders if Jason’s possibly the only person who doesn’t believe he is. Jason’s modest like that. Even when Jason was no more than a stranger to him, he was sure he was a modest king.
Gary’s not sure how many times Jason’s bowled him over with a simple sentence. But it’s too many now. As he sits there, looking at those sparkling blue eyes which are staring quietly back at him, he’s sure that outside the world must have stopped. Everyone must be staring in here right now, open mouthed and as amazed as Gary. But they’re not. He hears people chattering in the corridor…and is that sirens in the distance? Gary opens his mouth a couple of times, trying to work out what to say. He can’t follow those words up in any way, but shouldn’t he at least say thank you?
“Have you got any jam? I’ve burnt me bloody toast!” Howard’s voice interjects and the moment is killed. Jason flashes Gary one final smile and they both slowly slip into laughter.
“You ok now mate?” Jason asks at last, getting up to join Howard by their rider. Gary looks up at him.
“I don’t know how you do it Jay, but you’re a life saver,” he smiled earnestly.
“Nah…just…neurotic,” Jason chuckles back before finally walking away. See? Modest bastard.
And you know it must be right
Cause its burning up inside
I can feel it in your eyes
I want you to know
I'm just glad that I found you
Howard knows he needs someone like Gary in his life. He feels very grateful towards Gary, because Gary gives him confidence. He needs that influence, someone so assured, so positive. Because Howard’s not really like that. He’s never had much faith in where he’s going, not like Gary does. When they were all just strangers to one another, Howard remembered thinking he wanted to be like Gary. Gary had always radiated a confident charm that Howard never used to be capable of. He still isn’t really but he’s getting there. Jason calls him the shy exhibitionist sometimes and it’s true. Gary isn’t shy – he’s quietly confident in everything he does. Howard can see it in his eyes after shows or when an album’s been finished, a gentle pride burning bold and blue. Howard can’t do that. He’s not as bad as Jason, he doesn’t question and doubt and drive himself to distraction. But he supposes that’s only because he’s always too preoccupied with trying to stop Jason doing it.
Being strangers hadn’t lasted long for Howard and Gary. Whilst Jason and Mark had taken time to warm to Gary, Howard had understood him instantly. He was also a little in awe of him, slightly surprised when he was the one Gary most wanted to spend time with. As the madness erupted around them, Howard and Gary had found each other and as Howard made Gary laugh, Gary made Howard braver. Howard wasn’t sure if Gary knew how grateful he was for that. Some days it would eat him up inside, days when he was speaking up in an interview or preparing to lead them in accepting an award. Days like today, for instance.
Gary’s sat in his chair, head tilted back slightly as he claps someone else’s acceptance speech. He’s only half listening and Howard knows that because he can see that gentle confidence creeping into Gary’s smile. Gary’s eyes scan briefly for a route to the stage as the nominees are announced. Mark bounces gleefully as ‘Take That’ is read out by the pretty blonde presenter and Jason runs a distracted finger across his champagne flute, more interested in the blonde than the award by this point in the evening. But Gary is already shifting in his chair, so proud of their tour that he is willing them to win this award with every fibre of his being. He looks over at Howard and gives a small nod that makes Howard smile. It’s a nod that asks if he’s ready, Gary’s eyes assuring him he can do it. And as the presenter pauses for suspense, that nod has steadied Howard’s racing heart a little. Then, confirmation. They’ve won – Gary knew they would. Mark is so excited his hat becomes slightly dislodged as Emma kisses his cheek. Meanwhile Jason is still sat down, looking up at them in a bewildered manner that makes Howard laugh. But Howard and Gary are ready for this, because something about their partnership had always been just right and it helped them now to calm their two confused bandmates and slowly heard them up towards the stage.
When it feels like its love
All the stars they lift you up
Well I’ll place you high above
on top of the world
And you know it must be right
Cause its burning up inside
I can feel it in your eyes
I want you to know
I'm so glad that I found you
Jason’s stomach is in several knots over this and he doesn’t like it. Sometimes he thinks it might be easier if that documentary had turned out differently. He wonders if his life might be simpler if he’d walked into that room and found three strangers. That way he could’ve turned his back. That way he could be sitting on a beach right now, guitar in his lap, sun on his shoulders. But he was incapable of walking away from them. If they had turned out to just be three strangers, he could’ve closed the book. He could’ve walked away. But they were anything but strangers to him. Coming back to them had been like falling into step with life – a soft clicking back into place that was so gentle he had hardly noticed it. It felt right, it felt perfect. The stars all aligned and because of it he had lifted these three men up high in his heart, up to a podium few others could hope to match. No. They could never be strangers. And as fast as his heart is beating right now he doesn’t really think it would be that much easier if they were. He suspects his soul might be a little bit fractured without them in his life. He rubs his hands together and takes a tense breath, leaning his head against the wall and looking at the ceiling in a way that made his three friends instantly glance across at him. It was funny – here he was, wishing they were strangers and yet a shift and a silence and they were already coming to his aid. He rubbed a hand across his forehead, looking back to his guitar with a small shuffle of feet. Howard’s eyes flicked quietly onto his friend. A lock of Mark’s hair fell across his face as he turned his head. Gary narrowed his eyes slightly from over a mug of tea. He didn’t need to look up to know these movements had been made. He could hear them, his ears were tuned to their frequency. He would miss that if they were strangers. His fingers started to dance softly across the frets of his guitar, his blue eyes focused and dipped self-consciously away from their gaze. But they all watched him still, keeping an eye on him, looking out for him. A piece of Gary’s biscuit plopped into his tea – that was enough to break him. Jason laughed, flattening his palm against the frets in defeat and looking up at Gary with sparkling eyes. They all burst out laughing in a way that no strangers would ever understand. Because they’re anything but strangers, and no matter what they put him through he didn’t really want it to be any other way. They’ll hold his hand through this craziness and he’ll feel better for it. Better than if he’d never found them. And he is glad he found them. He wants them to know that…but he’s pretty sure they already do.
Just the other day
You smiled at me
In a secret way
Howard and Jason exchanged a secret smile that only they could read. They’d never been strangers to one another – from the first day they had met it had been like two fragments of a picture being put together to finally make sense. By all rights it shouldn’t be that way, and sitting here now it’s what they’re both thinking. Jason Orange is all herbal teas and thought-provoking books – he’s a quiet guitar strummed from the corner of the room under hues of warm gold dusk. When Jason is confused or worried or angry, he doesn’t descend into chaos like many men do. He just goes quiet. Very quiet. It’s something Howard’s never really understood. He can’t do that – he can and he will cry or scream or curse. Howard can hide how he’s feeling though. Jason…not so much. He is nothing if not honest. You’ll get no act with him. If he’s worried then he won’t hide his frown for the sake of the cameras. He gets accused of being moody. And he knows he is something of a brooding presence at the back of the group, blue eyes staring thoughtfully out from behind three broad-beaming faces. There’s a touch of irony when Jason sings out that he’s always been a smiler. It’s true, his smiles are like gold-dust, they can turn around your whole day if you catch one. But if he doesn’t mean it, then the smile will never come. Because Jason will never pretend. Howard’s admired that from day one – from the moment that those two piercing blue eyes had twinkled brightly across a room.
Howard takes a bite out of his bacon butty, patting out a beat on his thigh and ignoring the escaping drabble of brown sauce on his hoody. It makes Jason wince. He can’t abide mess. Yet everything about Howard is a bit messy. His hair cannot ever really be tamed and he plays the drums like an eccentric rocker. He spills sauces on the kitchen table and knocks over any packet of seed he comes across. He can lose car keys like nobody’s business. It’s a far cry from Jason’s tidy world of guitar playing so soft you can meditate to it, his size-ordered shelves and his sleek (and always pristine) wardrobe. They’re like chalk and cheese – not just on a superficial level either. They are fundamentally wrong for each other. Yet here they are, sat together like an old married couple. Howard is the spilt paint in the middle of Jason’s swish apartment. It’s only for a week, while the builders finish up his own place. But he’s beginning to wish he could just move in for good. Jason’s probably counting the days ‘til he moves out though, Howard muses. He’s seen him, hovering just behind him with a cloth, just waiting to swoop in once he’s left the room. He’s being stalked by the world’s most OCD popstar and a bottle of Cillit Bang. He remembers their first encounter being similar – Jason raising a sceptical eyebrow as Howard spat beer everywhere, laughing at a joke long since forgotten. Jason can always make him laugh – no stranger can make you smile within seconds of meeting them. Not unless they’re truly something special or they’re destined to be your best mate. Mind you, Jason ticks both of those boxes as far as Howard can tell, coz he really is something special when you think about it. And he’s definitely his best mate.
Jason gets up, brushing the crumbs from his toast carefully onto his plate. Howard grins up at him, handing over his own plate, crumbs flying everywhere. He can tell it takes a lot of restraint for Jason not to set the Hoover on him then and there. But credit to him he doesn’t do that. He simply takes the plate and rolls his eyes, holding out an expectant hand. Howard flashes another one of those secret smiles behind which lies a million teases and compliments and a fair few thank yous. In a flash the hoody is pulled off and in Jason’s grip. Jason shakes his head, eyes sparkling with amusement.
“You’re a bloody mess Donald,” he sighs, heading off to wash the dishes and the hoody and, of course, to get the Hoover. Howard shrugs.
“You love me really Orange!” he calls out in retort, shivering slightly and folding his arms over his bare chest. He hears a soft chuckle from the kitchen but he ignores it. Then a fresh hoody hits him square in the head and, silently, he lets slip one more secret smile.
So I let you in
And you captured me
I'm your prisoner
That’s what I wanna be
There is something mesmerizing about Mark Owen. Gary has always been fascinated by those warm, shining eyes – full of life all the time. Take now, for instance. He knows, for a fact, that Mark cannot have had more than three hours sleep last night. If that. But here he is, being friendly and kind and nice-as-pie to these journalists who, quite frankly, do not deserve so much as a smile. Are the rumours about Robbie true, is he coming back to help Take That Rule The World? You have one more album left on this record deal…but are Take That Back For Good? It’s been a big year for you all but is next year the year you really Shine? Well he’s been Up All Night so for God’s sake count your lucky stars that you’re not trying his Patience – that was the polite version of what Gary really wanted to say to them. But as the interviews wore on his silent retort descended swiftly into obscenities. Not Mark though, he kept smiling. Mark refuses to be a stranger to anybody. Gary doubts there is anyone who has ever been in the same room as Mark who has come away feeling they are still simply strangers.
After a while Gary stops listening to the questions. Briefly he entertains himself by watching Howard and Jason field their share of the interviews on the other side of the room. Howard’s hiding a hangover behind large sunglasses and so it’s Jason doing most of the talking, answering more thoughtfully than any of the journalists really expect. It’s an entertaining sight but Gary’s gaze quickly drifts back to Mark. He laughs that quirky laugh of his and Gary notices that about five or six journalist cannot help but laugh with him – he’s laughing with him too and yet he’s not even listening to the words being said. There’s just something about that laugh – it’s bright and rich and it just makes you want to join in. That laugh captures you. Gary got caught by Mark a long time ago. Perhaps not from day one, admittedly. His and Mark’s story is not quite the epic love story of Howard and Jason – though if they ever hear him call it that they will both put on their most manly voices and grab the nearest woman to kiss. No. Gary hates to admit it but, as charming as he has always found Mark, he took a long time to succumb to the friendliness of his smile. They were far from strangers, caught up in a funny sort of friendship that was neither close nor far away. Mark was always beautiful to Gary, but that was just Mark. He was beautiful full stop – just look at him! Still, recognising beauty and appreciating it are two different things. Gary appreciates it now.
He realises that he and Mark actually have a lot in common. It’s a notion that took a good ten years for either of them to stumble upon. But now they’ve realised it they’re practically joined at the hip. A few weeks ago Mark almost went home with baby Daisy in his arms instead of Willow, confirming to him that he really ought to be spending a bit more time in his own home. That resolution had lasted a surprisingly long time. But really, that was only because, after one week, Gary was round at Mark’s. There was a piano, a kettle, a biscuit tin and Mark – location was irrelevant in the light of those important facts.
Wrinkling his nose and bobbing his head as he swayed from foot to foot, Mark glanced at Gary as the next question was sent their way. But he could see Gary was miles away so he turned back to the reporter and smiled brightly, attempting to answer the question himself. Mark could answer almost any question that was thrown at him. Gary supposed this was because Mark had a seemingly endless resource of random questions of his own. The other day he’d asked Jason what sort of a biscuit he would be. Howard and Gary could barely draw breath they had laughed so hard as Jason’s deep-thinking grappled with Mark’s loveable nonsense. Howard had shrieked for water and Gary’s eyes had begun to tear. Yes, letting Mark into his heart had not been a hard decision to make. And with such golden nonsense on offer in return, Gary would let him carry on fascinating him, even if it meant these interviewers would not get any of his ideas today.
Like a thief you came
to steal my heart
I'll surrender now
Cause you broke my guard
Jason was disarmed by Mark a long time ago. He was only human after all. He remembers he warmed to Mark from moment one. A split second must have passed before Mark smiled his way into Jason’s heart and he’d stayed there ever since. They had been strangers for no longer than that and they had never gone through that awkward phase of simply being ‘acquaintances’. It had been strangers to brothers. Simple as that. All through the band, all through those quiet years and all through the comeback, Mark stayed put in the forefront of Jason’s heart. Looking back Jason supposes that nothing more than a day could’ve have passed before he had decided this boy who had so easily broken down his guard was someone he wanted to look after. And that emotion had been equally enduring. He remembered when Mark’s first solo album was released. He’s never told Mark but he went out of his way to read a lot of the reviews. The good ones are still tucked into the CD sleeve, even now. The odd bad one he had come across had been sent to those people who turned old newspaper into loo roll. Yes – because that’s how Jason Orange did aggression! It had made him feel that he had protected Mark somehow. And that was all he ever really wanted to do.
Back in the old days Mark was still young enough to mother. And Jason was good at mothering people. Mark’s kind eyes having well and truly claimed Jason’s heart for their very own sheltering place, it hadn’t taken long for Jason to be there in every emergency. One night in the very beginning of the band Jason remembered Mark having a bad dream. He’d never told Jason what that dream had been about but Jason hadn’t asked. Mark would never have to explain himself to Jason. Instead, Jason let Mark stay there in his room, hugged him ‘til he’d fallen asleep then given up his bed in exchange for the floor just so that Mark could be comfortable. Jason’s neck had a crick in it for a good week after that. Jason had never admitted that to Mark but Mark knew. He didn’t say the thank you out loud but it was there. He had clung onto Jason for several days in a mixture of gratitude and lingering upset. It was a big scary world to throw someone as sweet as Mark into but looking at him now Jason can’t help but find it remarkable how unscathed Mark is by it all. Reality has never quiet managed to destroy that child-like joy that lives in Mark’s eyes. Jason’s very glad of that. Mark would be a stranger to him if he ever lost that innocent glee, that love of life. And he never, ever wants them to be strangers again. He still remembers that split second where they were and he remembers how it had dragged itself out.
Snuffling in his sleep, Mark’s hair flops across his eyes and Jason glances down at him. His leg’s gone dead but he refuses to move. Typical Mark. Only he could fall asleep in the middle of a busy airport. Ok, so it’s that ridiculous VIP part of the airport that makes Jason cringe as he walks in. But it’s still busy. And as far as Jason is concerned that leaves more than enough possibility for Mark getting hurt or lost. Or even just…scared. After all, if he woke up and all three of them were gone, what would he think? That they’d left without him? Well…probably not. But Jason still remembered the night of the nightmare. He wouldn’t leave a sleeping Mark. Howard could. Gary could. But not Jason.
“Pancakes,” Mark mumbles drowsily, a small smile touching his sleeping features and Jason chuckled, shaking his head slightly.
“I suppose if anyone could have a nightmare about pancakes…” he sighed to himself, smiling at Mark, incapable of complaining at the way in which this small man had stormed his heart and held him to ransom. He’d miss him if he was gone, he realises that. Besides, Jason needs someone to mother. And Mark needs a good deal of mothering.
Such a pretty face
It warms my soul
And your sweet blue eyes
they shine like gold
At a lot of key moments in his life, Gary’s phone has rung. And it’s been Jason on the other end. It’s funny but he and Jason never seem that close to the outside world. He’s not sure why that is, because Jason is something of a life-saver for Gary. Sometimes they look like strangers, he supposes, because it’s always Jason sharing smiles with Howard and him exchanging laughs with Mark. But when it really comes down to the wire Gary knows that it’ll be Jason who will understand what’s wrong. And he won’t just understand, he’ll go on to find the perfect words to help you understand, to make you look at it all from a view point you never even knew existed.
As you search Jason’s face you can see a lot of things. You can see a lot of smiles and a lot of laughter, a lot of deep thought too. That face can speak to you as loudly as words sometimes. Just watch the handsome twist of his lips, the thoughtful angle of his jaw. Read the arch of an eyebrow or the shining gold of incredible wisdom that glimmers in his sweet blue eyes. The warmth of Jason’s soul is a powerful thing, it can pull you back from the brink of anger and make you smile, compelling you to warm your heart by its fireside light. Tears dry on your cheeks when Jason’s rough voice is coaching you, unwavering, with deep, well-thought words. Gary remembers that the first time he heard that voice, Jason had stopped being a stranger to him. If you listen to Jason he can tell you an awful lot. That voice, so Mancunian and coarse, rough edges smoothed out by his ability to talk sense, is constant in its warmth. Of course, he can talk some rubbish too. He can throw you off track sometimes with some random comment about fruit or some peculiar observation on life. He comes out with it and you just have to blink it off. He can make you laugh too. Jason can make you laugh right from your belly. Often intentionally. Occasionally by accident though…because Jason can be a twit sometimes. But Jason is still a genius as far as Gary’s concerned. It’s funny but sometimes he acts like he’s king of Manchester – and secretly Gary half suspects he is. In fact, Gary wonders if Jason’s possibly the only person who doesn’t believe he is. Jason’s modest like that. Even when Jason was no more than a stranger to him, he was sure he was a modest king.
Gary’s not sure how many times Jason’s bowled him over with a simple sentence. But it’s too many now. As he sits there, looking at those sparkling blue eyes which are staring quietly back at him, he’s sure that outside the world must have stopped. Everyone must be staring in here right now, open mouthed and as amazed as Gary. But they’re not. He hears people chattering in the corridor…and is that sirens in the distance? Gary opens his mouth a couple of times, trying to work out what to say. He can’t follow those words up in any way, but shouldn’t he at least say thank you?
“Have you got any jam? I’ve burnt me bloody toast!” Howard’s voice interjects and the moment is killed. Jason flashes Gary one final smile and they both slowly slip into laughter.
“You ok now mate?” Jason asks at last, getting up to join Howard by their rider. Gary looks up at him.
“I don’t know how you do it Jay, but you’re a life saver,” he smiled earnestly.
“Nah…just…neurotic,” Jason chuckles back before finally walking away. See? Modest bastard.
And you know it must be right
Cause its burning up inside
I can feel it in your eyes
I want you to know
I'm just glad that I found you
Howard knows he needs someone like Gary in his life. He feels very grateful towards Gary, because Gary gives him confidence. He needs that influence, someone so assured, so positive. Because Howard’s not really like that. He’s never had much faith in where he’s going, not like Gary does. When they were all just strangers to one another, Howard remembered thinking he wanted to be like Gary. Gary had always radiated a confident charm that Howard never used to be capable of. He still isn’t really but he’s getting there. Jason calls him the shy exhibitionist sometimes and it’s true. Gary isn’t shy – he’s quietly confident in everything he does. Howard can see it in his eyes after shows or when an album’s been finished, a gentle pride burning bold and blue. Howard can’t do that. He’s not as bad as Jason, he doesn’t question and doubt and drive himself to distraction. But he supposes that’s only because he’s always too preoccupied with trying to stop Jason doing it.
Being strangers hadn’t lasted long for Howard and Gary. Whilst Jason and Mark had taken time to warm to Gary, Howard had understood him instantly. He was also a little in awe of him, slightly surprised when he was the one Gary most wanted to spend time with. As the madness erupted around them, Howard and Gary had found each other and as Howard made Gary laugh, Gary made Howard braver. Howard wasn’t sure if Gary knew how grateful he was for that. Some days it would eat him up inside, days when he was speaking up in an interview or preparing to lead them in accepting an award. Days like today, for instance.
Gary’s sat in his chair, head tilted back slightly as he claps someone else’s acceptance speech. He’s only half listening and Howard knows that because he can see that gentle confidence creeping into Gary’s smile. Gary’s eyes scan briefly for a route to the stage as the nominees are announced. Mark bounces gleefully as ‘Take That’ is read out by the pretty blonde presenter and Jason runs a distracted finger across his champagne flute, more interested in the blonde than the award by this point in the evening. But Gary is already shifting in his chair, so proud of their tour that he is willing them to win this award with every fibre of his being. He looks over at Howard and gives a small nod that makes Howard smile. It’s a nod that asks if he’s ready, Gary’s eyes assuring him he can do it. And as the presenter pauses for suspense, that nod has steadied Howard’s racing heart a little. Then, confirmation. They’ve won – Gary knew they would. Mark is so excited his hat becomes slightly dislodged as Emma kisses his cheek. Meanwhile Jason is still sat down, looking up at them in a bewildered manner that makes Howard laugh. But Howard and Gary are ready for this, because something about their partnership had always been just right and it helped them now to calm their two confused bandmates and slowly heard them up towards the stage.
When it feels like its love
All the stars they lift you up
Well I’ll place you high above
on top of the world
And you know it must be right
Cause its burning up inside
I can feel it in your eyes
I want you to know
I'm so glad that I found you
Jason’s stomach is in several knots over this and he doesn’t like it. Sometimes he thinks it might be easier if that documentary had turned out differently. He wonders if his life might be simpler if he’d walked into that room and found three strangers. That way he could’ve turned his back. That way he could be sitting on a beach right now, guitar in his lap, sun on his shoulders. But he was incapable of walking away from them. If they had turned out to just be three strangers, he could’ve closed the book. He could’ve walked away. But they were anything but strangers to him. Coming back to them had been like falling into step with life – a soft clicking back into place that was so gentle he had hardly noticed it. It felt right, it felt perfect. The stars all aligned and because of it he had lifted these three men up high in his heart, up to a podium few others could hope to match. No. They could never be strangers. And as fast as his heart is beating right now he doesn’t really think it would be that much easier if they were. He suspects his soul might be a little bit fractured without them in his life. He rubs his hands together and takes a tense breath, leaning his head against the wall and looking at the ceiling in a way that made his three friends instantly glance across at him. It was funny – here he was, wishing they were strangers and yet a shift and a silence and they were already coming to his aid. He rubbed a hand across his forehead, looking back to his guitar with a small shuffle of feet. Howard’s eyes flicked quietly onto his friend. A lock of Mark’s hair fell across his face as he turned his head. Gary narrowed his eyes slightly from over a mug of tea. He didn’t need to look up to know these movements had been made. He could hear them, his ears were tuned to their frequency. He would miss that if they were strangers. His fingers started to dance softly across the frets of his guitar, his blue eyes focused and dipped self-consciously away from their gaze. But they all watched him still, keeping an eye on him, looking out for him. A piece of Gary’s biscuit plopped into his tea – that was enough to break him. Jason laughed, flattening his palm against the frets in defeat and looking up at Gary with sparkling eyes. They all burst out laughing in a way that no strangers would ever understand. Because they’re anything but strangers, and no matter what they put him through he didn’t really want it to be any other way. They’ll hold his hand through this craziness and he’ll feel better for it. Better than if he’d never found them. And he is glad he found them. He wants them to know that…but he’s pretty sure they already do.