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The Complete Fic Directory
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- Months Go By [Months]
- More Important Than Fear
- Muddied Stars [Brown]
- Not Enough
- Of Peacocks
- On The Subject Of Angels [Orange]
- Playing House [Parents]
- The Price Of Friendship
- The Prize
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- Study In Motion
- Summertime Feeling - S Club 7
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- That Night In Amsterdam/Do You Love Me? [Part Two]
- This
- Three Sets Of Three
- Twenty-Nine (And A Half)
- Under A Colourless Sky [Colourless]
- We Found Something That Belongs To You [Outsides]
- We Were Strangers Once [Strangers]
- Weeks
- What Did You Say This Time?
- What Will The Papers Say? [Purple]
- White Out [White]
- The Wordsmith/Breathe In
- Years
- Yellow
- Yesterday's Promise
- 3-0 Defeats
- Barlow's Music Shop Series
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- OT3, OT4 & OT5
- Stories By Band Member
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- Follow Me
Weeks
Just a few more weeks and they’d be ok again. That’s what he’d told himself. And now here he was, standing alone at the end of the world. He surveyed the wreckage and he supposed that he didn’t really have the right to complain. But he still couldn’t make sense of it all. The end of the world had come so quietly. They’d still been them, their friendship hadn’t changed. One minute they were sitting around chatting, taking the piss and having a laugh, and then the next they were all talking about packing it in. There hadn’t been any blazing rows or earth-shattering feuds like the press would’ve liked. No, the end of the world had been an oddly amicable affair. Howard remembered crying as it all fell down around his ears. How the hell he’d managed to grit his teeth as they announced it, God only knew. Now here he was, alone. What was he supposed to do? Rebuild from the rubble? How did he even do that without them there? So much for just a few more weeks. The only thing that stopped him crying again was the shrill sound of the phone ringing.
“You scared?” an all-too-familiar voice had asked softly the moment he’d picked up the phone. No need for introductions or explanations or pleasantries. With Jason, he could just pick right back up where they left off. Howard pressed the phone close to his ear and closed his eyes.
“Fucking terrified,” he admitted in a whisper.
In a few more weeks it would all die down. That’s what he wanted to believe. But that wasn’t true and the jibes just kept coming. This man had been his friend, they’d shared so much and this was all he had left to say about the band that symbolised their friendship. He could just about handle strangers poking fun and he could just about cope with the press telling lies. But he couldn’t cope with someone he’d trusted lashing out at them all. Back when he’d left, the media storm was something they had been able to weather together. Now though, they were just four separate people left in his wake. He felt sorry for Gary – he got the worst of it. He felt jealous of Mark – he didn’t get any of it. And he felt like the only person in the world who could really know what was going through his head was Jason. But there was no real connecting thread between them now. Sure they talked, all of them talked. They weren’t strangers. But they weren’t in each other’s lives the same way and he missed that. And most of all he missed Jason being around because Jason was a man who could find the right words for every adverse situation he came across. The more the press revelled in the idea that Take That’s apparent chemistry was just some carefully polished veneer, the more he just wanted to run away. Had it all been an act? After all, he hadn’t seen any of them for months. It didn’t die down in a few more weeks – it failed to remain at fever pitch but it did simmer away, refusing to leave him be. The longer the speculation went on, the more he started to question their friendship himself. And then the phone began to ring.
“If only they knew some of the stuff we got up to,” an all-too-familiar voice had half-chuckled the moment he’d picked up the phone. Howard smiled and felt so stupid for ever doubting what was so obviously true. They had been the best of friends and that friendship hadn’t died with the band. Months without word and yet there Jason was once again, his voice as steady and calm as ever.
“I’m not sure they’d want to know some of the stuff we got up to,” Howard laughed in response.
It was only a few more weeks before everything would change. That’s what he knew for a fact. He’d never planned on having kids, but then he’d never planned a lot of the things in his life that had brought him the most joy. His life was finally back on some sort of track, he finally didn’t feel like he was standing in the wreckage and he had finally found a way of ignoring the background buzz of the press. He’d picked out the good stuff from the rubble and he’d taken it with him to his brand new world. He had a life again, a life that didn’t need the band to prop itself up. And yet, for all that he smiled over his newfound independence, he frowned over it too. When was the last time he’d spoken to any of them? Gary was busy or in hiding or just lost to the world. Mark was happy in a bubble all his own. They didn’t need a call from him to remind them of the band they were finally making a life without. And then he thought of Jason. What exactly was it Jason was doing now? He couldn’t remember precisely and he felt guilty for that, because he felt sure that wherever Jason was he knew exactly what Howard was up to. He did remember being proud of Jason for whatever it was because Jason was the only one of them who was brave enough to hold up his hands and walk away from it all. Jason had always had a quiet courage that Howard admired. No. Jason didn’t need reminding of the band he’d done so well to put behind him. He should leave him be a while longer. The friendship the four of them shared now was long distance, sure, but it was also strong enough that the distance didn’t matter too much – that was the thought he resigned himself to. And then he’d heard his phone start to ring.
“How long now?” an all-too-familiar voice had questioned, sounding every bit as warm as Howard remembered. He didn’t know where Jason was, what he was doing or how long it was since they’d talked, but with Jason it didn’t matter. No matter how long it had been, Jason would simply carry on as if it had been no time at all.
“Just a few more weeks,” Howard had replied. They’d talked the next hour away with ease.
“Remember to call me when the kid’s old enough for breaking lessons,” Jason had said after a while and Howard could hear the grin in his voice.
“Something tells me it’ll be you calling me,” Howard smiled after a beat.
In a few more weeks they will have probably forgotten today. That’s what Howard thought as he got into his car. When he’d been asked to DJ for Gary, he’d jumped at the chance. And he’d known the others would be there too. They weren’t strangers, just distant friends. He had to remind himself of that sometimes. It was really the ‘distant’ part that bothered him. They used to be inseparable, now they hardly knew each other. They could still laugh like there was no tomorrow and there was no denying that something about their personalities simply fell into place no matter how much time stretched by without word. But now the laughter was fleeting and in a few more weeks it would probably be forgotten. It’d been so good to chat like that again though, even if it was just for a little while. It’d been good to hear Mark’s laugh, good to see Jason’s grin and listen to Gary’s jokes. It was easy to lose sight of all the positives of their friendship when the media seemed more interested in the negatives; yes, the jokes got harsher the less sleep they had had and yes the chats got tenser the more pressure they were under, but it had never really broken them. Although maybe they were broken now. Mark wasn’t. Mark was as shiny as the day he’d first met him; unphased and unscathed by the world despite the odds. But Gary was broken, he felt sure of that. And he was broken too – Howard had lost count of the scars across his heart, their number increasing with every blow dealt to the friendship in which he held so much faith. And then there was Jason. Perhaps Jason was a little damaged by the dark times and perhaps Jason was a little worn from the lies which tried to break down the walls of their friendship. But Jason sure as hell wasn’t broken; Jason couldn’t be broken, he was too stubborn for that. Jason, of all of them, seemed to have grown up the most; he looked suave, he dressed suave. They’d all noticed it but let the observation go unsaid, because Jason still talked like the lad from Manchester who they knew and loved. A small part of Howard felt in awe of Jason, because really he was the most grounded of all of them and there was something infinitely mesmerizing about that. It had been nice to be mesmerized again. And then as quickly as they’d all come together, they’d all drifted apart, back to their cars and their lives and their friendship filled with distance. Howard sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t deny how much he’d enjoyed seeing them again but it was more than a little bittersweet, because they were probably going to forget about each other now for another few months, maybe longer, who knew? He’d never thought they’d end up like this – that was what was on his mind when his phone began to ring.
“You left without saying goodbye y’ bastard!” an all-too-familiar voice had teased and Howard’s face broke in to a grin. There was no cutting edge or accusation. This was Jason; all you could hear was his kind, honest smile and the playful glitter of his eyes.
“Not my fault you blend into a crowd!” Howard defended, knowing all it would win him from Jason was shake of the head and a roll of the eyes. But affection still crackled down the line.
Just a few more weeks and there was a documentary being shown on TV. It’d been so nice to talk and catch up and just laugh. Even if it had been tough to feel the cameras trained on them the entire time. He wasn’t sure what had made him be so honest for the camera crew. He’d always been so shy in interviews and it’d been good always being able to hide behind the rest of the band if he didn’t want to talk. But for this documentary, they’d got him alone and it was impossible for him to hide. They wanted the real story, they wanted to expose it all? Fine. He’d tell them his side of the story. And that’s what he’d done. It had only occurred to him afterwards that perhaps he ought to have told the band how he felt just as honestly as he had told the interviewer. As he turned the thought over and over in his head, guilt started to set in. He debated whether he ought to talk to them, find a moment to tell them before they saw it at the screening. They ought to hear it from him personally, not via a camera. The sound that interrupted his mental debate was the ringing of the phone.
“Is there anything you wanna tell me before we go to this do?” an all-too-familiar voice had asked, gentle and even. Jason had a way of knowing when the right moment was to speak that knocked Howard sideways and forced the truth out of him every time. He blinked, his mouth opening and closing in a mixture of shock and hesitation. He could almost hear Jason narrowing his eyes.
“I wanted to kill myself…” he’d said at last, hardly aware he was saying it until the words were out. Jason had paused a moment.
“I’ll be round in an hour, okay mate?” had been his simple and surprisingly composed response.
Just a few more weeks and they’d be out there again. That’s what he realised as he lay awake that night. Here he was, on the brink of something huge and he realised with a smile that this time he wasn’t alone. The world wasn’t ending, it was starting over anew, and although it might be tough for them if they got bad reviews, he knew that it would take more than the world going to hell for their friendship to fall apart. Of course, they’d never really been torn apart, they’d simply agreed to keep each other on very loose leads. Never again, Howard decided. Distance - maybe it did make the heart grow fonder but it wasn’t a theory any of them would be experimenting with again. Their friendship had clicked back in to place with surprising ease, but there had been a lot of filling in the gaps to be done. And somehow, they had managed to do it. They were closer than ever and they weren’t going to throw that away in a hurry. But they were still as scared as hell. Could they do it? Could they really pull it off? Howard wasn’t sure if he was more or less nervous than he had been the night the world fell down. Just a matter of weeks before they were all onstage again; dream come true or worst nightmare? He didn’t have long to decide before his phone began to ring.
“You scared?” that all-too-familiar voice had asked softly the moment he’d picked up the phone. No need for introductions or explanations or pleasantries. With Jason, he could just pick right back up where they left off. Howard pressed the phone close to his ear and smiled.
“Fucking terrified,” he admitted in a whisper.
“You scared?” an all-too-familiar voice had asked softly the moment he’d picked up the phone. No need for introductions or explanations or pleasantries. With Jason, he could just pick right back up where they left off. Howard pressed the phone close to his ear and closed his eyes.
“Fucking terrified,” he admitted in a whisper.
In a few more weeks it would all die down. That’s what he wanted to believe. But that wasn’t true and the jibes just kept coming. This man had been his friend, they’d shared so much and this was all he had left to say about the band that symbolised their friendship. He could just about handle strangers poking fun and he could just about cope with the press telling lies. But he couldn’t cope with someone he’d trusted lashing out at them all. Back when he’d left, the media storm was something they had been able to weather together. Now though, they were just four separate people left in his wake. He felt sorry for Gary – he got the worst of it. He felt jealous of Mark – he didn’t get any of it. And he felt like the only person in the world who could really know what was going through his head was Jason. But there was no real connecting thread between them now. Sure they talked, all of them talked. They weren’t strangers. But they weren’t in each other’s lives the same way and he missed that. And most of all he missed Jason being around because Jason was a man who could find the right words for every adverse situation he came across. The more the press revelled in the idea that Take That’s apparent chemistry was just some carefully polished veneer, the more he just wanted to run away. Had it all been an act? After all, he hadn’t seen any of them for months. It didn’t die down in a few more weeks – it failed to remain at fever pitch but it did simmer away, refusing to leave him be. The longer the speculation went on, the more he started to question their friendship himself. And then the phone began to ring.
“If only they knew some of the stuff we got up to,” an all-too-familiar voice had half-chuckled the moment he’d picked up the phone. Howard smiled and felt so stupid for ever doubting what was so obviously true. They had been the best of friends and that friendship hadn’t died with the band. Months without word and yet there Jason was once again, his voice as steady and calm as ever.
“I’m not sure they’d want to know some of the stuff we got up to,” Howard laughed in response.
It was only a few more weeks before everything would change. That’s what he knew for a fact. He’d never planned on having kids, but then he’d never planned a lot of the things in his life that had brought him the most joy. His life was finally back on some sort of track, he finally didn’t feel like he was standing in the wreckage and he had finally found a way of ignoring the background buzz of the press. He’d picked out the good stuff from the rubble and he’d taken it with him to his brand new world. He had a life again, a life that didn’t need the band to prop itself up. And yet, for all that he smiled over his newfound independence, he frowned over it too. When was the last time he’d spoken to any of them? Gary was busy or in hiding or just lost to the world. Mark was happy in a bubble all his own. They didn’t need a call from him to remind them of the band they were finally making a life without. And then he thought of Jason. What exactly was it Jason was doing now? He couldn’t remember precisely and he felt guilty for that, because he felt sure that wherever Jason was he knew exactly what Howard was up to. He did remember being proud of Jason for whatever it was because Jason was the only one of them who was brave enough to hold up his hands and walk away from it all. Jason had always had a quiet courage that Howard admired. No. Jason didn’t need reminding of the band he’d done so well to put behind him. He should leave him be a while longer. The friendship the four of them shared now was long distance, sure, but it was also strong enough that the distance didn’t matter too much – that was the thought he resigned himself to. And then he’d heard his phone start to ring.
“How long now?” an all-too-familiar voice had questioned, sounding every bit as warm as Howard remembered. He didn’t know where Jason was, what he was doing or how long it was since they’d talked, but with Jason it didn’t matter. No matter how long it had been, Jason would simply carry on as if it had been no time at all.
“Just a few more weeks,” Howard had replied. They’d talked the next hour away with ease.
“Remember to call me when the kid’s old enough for breaking lessons,” Jason had said after a while and Howard could hear the grin in his voice.
“Something tells me it’ll be you calling me,” Howard smiled after a beat.
In a few more weeks they will have probably forgotten today. That’s what Howard thought as he got into his car. When he’d been asked to DJ for Gary, he’d jumped at the chance. And he’d known the others would be there too. They weren’t strangers, just distant friends. He had to remind himself of that sometimes. It was really the ‘distant’ part that bothered him. They used to be inseparable, now they hardly knew each other. They could still laugh like there was no tomorrow and there was no denying that something about their personalities simply fell into place no matter how much time stretched by without word. But now the laughter was fleeting and in a few more weeks it would probably be forgotten. It’d been so good to chat like that again though, even if it was just for a little while. It’d been good to hear Mark’s laugh, good to see Jason’s grin and listen to Gary’s jokes. It was easy to lose sight of all the positives of their friendship when the media seemed more interested in the negatives; yes, the jokes got harsher the less sleep they had had and yes the chats got tenser the more pressure they were under, but it had never really broken them. Although maybe they were broken now. Mark wasn’t. Mark was as shiny as the day he’d first met him; unphased and unscathed by the world despite the odds. But Gary was broken, he felt sure of that. And he was broken too – Howard had lost count of the scars across his heart, their number increasing with every blow dealt to the friendship in which he held so much faith. And then there was Jason. Perhaps Jason was a little damaged by the dark times and perhaps Jason was a little worn from the lies which tried to break down the walls of their friendship. But Jason sure as hell wasn’t broken; Jason couldn’t be broken, he was too stubborn for that. Jason, of all of them, seemed to have grown up the most; he looked suave, he dressed suave. They’d all noticed it but let the observation go unsaid, because Jason still talked like the lad from Manchester who they knew and loved. A small part of Howard felt in awe of Jason, because really he was the most grounded of all of them and there was something infinitely mesmerizing about that. It had been nice to be mesmerized again. And then as quickly as they’d all come together, they’d all drifted apart, back to their cars and their lives and their friendship filled with distance. Howard sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t deny how much he’d enjoyed seeing them again but it was more than a little bittersweet, because they were probably going to forget about each other now for another few months, maybe longer, who knew? He’d never thought they’d end up like this – that was what was on his mind when his phone began to ring.
“You left without saying goodbye y’ bastard!” an all-too-familiar voice had teased and Howard’s face broke in to a grin. There was no cutting edge or accusation. This was Jason; all you could hear was his kind, honest smile and the playful glitter of his eyes.
“Not my fault you blend into a crowd!” Howard defended, knowing all it would win him from Jason was shake of the head and a roll of the eyes. But affection still crackled down the line.
Just a few more weeks and there was a documentary being shown on TV. It’d been so nice to talk and catch up and just laugh. Even if it had been tough to feel the cameras trained on them the entire time. He wasn’t sure what had made him be so honest for the camera crew. He’d always been so shy in interviews and it’d been good always being able to hide behind the rest of the band if he didn’t want to talk. But for this documentary, they’d got him alone and it was impossible for him to hide. They wanted the real story, they wanted to expose it all? Fine. He’d tell them his side of the story. And that’s what he’d done. It had only occurred to him afterwards that perhaps he ought to have told the band how he felt just as honestly as he had told the interviewer. As he turned the thought over and over in his head, guilt started to set in. He debated whether he ought to talk to them, find a moment to tell them before they saw it at the screening. They ought to hear it from him personally, not via a camera. The sound that interrupted his mental debate was the ringing of the phone.
“Is there anything you wanna tell me before we go to this do?” an all-too-familiar voice had asked, gentle and even. Jason had a way of knowing when the right moment was to speak that knocked Howard sideways and forced the truth out of him every time. He blinked, his mouth opening and closing in a mixture of shock and hesitation. He could almost hear Jason narrowing his eyes.
“I wanted to kill myself…” he’d said at last, hardly aware he was saying it until the words were out. Jason had paused a moment.
“I’ll be round in an hour, okay mate?” had been his simple and surprisingly composed response.
Just a few more weeks and they’d be out there again. That’s what he realised as he lay awake that night. Here he was, on the brink of something huge and he realised with a smile that this time he wasn’t alone. The world wasn’t ending, it was starting over anew, and although it might be tough for them if they got bad reviews, he knew that it would take more than the world going to hell for their friendship to fall apart. Of course, they’d never really been torn apart, they’d simply agreed to keep each other on very loose leads. Never again, Howard decided. Distance - maybe it did make the heart grow fonder but it wasn’t a theory any of them would be experimenting with again. Their friendship had clicked back in to place with surprising ease, but there had been a lot of filling in the gaps to be done. And somehow, they had managed to do it. They were closer than ever and they weren’t going to throw that away in a hurry. But they were still as scared as hell. Could they do it? Could they really pull it off? Howard wasn’t sure if he was more or less nervous than he had been the night the world fell down. Just a matter of weeks before they were all onstage again; dream come true or worst nightmare? He didn’t have long to decide before his phone began to ring.
“You scared?” that all-too-familiar voice had asked softly the moment he’d picked up the phone. No need for introductions or explanations or pleasantries. With Jason, he could just pick right back up where they left off. Howard pressed the phone close to his ear and smiled.
“Fucking terrified,” he admitted in a whisper.